you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
