it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
