No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
