I wish my penis had an off switch
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize