I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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