you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
