why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
