There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
