He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
