there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
