We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
