Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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