Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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