he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't deserve a penis
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I could fuck to npr.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
