I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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