"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need help removing her.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
