dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
