What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
