i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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