I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
