I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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