i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize