He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
