It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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