don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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