I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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