i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
