So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
