her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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