there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
