Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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