Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
