Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
