I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
