oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
