This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
