My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
