so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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