I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
