I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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