he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
