i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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