She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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