how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
