A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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