Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
