I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
