It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
