I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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