You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
