Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
