Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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