My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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