i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
