We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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