Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
