There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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