The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
