I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
