Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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