I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
