Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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