is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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