You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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