No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
