Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
