oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
