that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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