i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
