I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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