so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
