There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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