biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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